i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
