It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize