you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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