and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
