I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
