I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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