We won't sleep together?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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