Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
