I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
