I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
