We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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