Cold hands, warm shart.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
