Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
