You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
