i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
