I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
