Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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