She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
