She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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