If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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