I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
