He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We got so high we made milksteak
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
