I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
