I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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