so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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