you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The air taste purple.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
