i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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