I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
