Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
