found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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