based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
