She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
