I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
