you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
