You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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