I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
