somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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