Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
