God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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