I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can u get pink eye on your cock?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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