Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
