What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
