She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
