Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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