I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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