I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
