Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
