I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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