I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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