i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
