just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
