I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
