Quick, to the slutcave!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize