I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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