I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
