I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
