dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize