I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
