she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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