Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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