she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
