just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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