Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
