what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this hospital has no fireball
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
