You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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