I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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