k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
