She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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