just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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