They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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