We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
