Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
