I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
