ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize