Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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