my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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