i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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