Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
