I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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