And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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