great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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