I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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