wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
