I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
