just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize